[8-07-08] Life... is good!

[12:03pm]
     I'm not implying causality or anything, but ever since this Hodgkin's thingy, my quality of life seems to have gone up. Interesting how that works, isn't it?

     Take, for example, last night. I had a huge final presentation today that had been bumped up a week early so I could stop attending class early (due to hospitalization on 13th). Was I diligently cramming the material before the impending doom? Nope - I was hanging out with Liz until late at night. Priorities!
     Then, I calmly woke up at 5:00am the next morning, had a coffee, and got to work. Calmly I plugged along, not sweating the small stuff, just enjoying the act of creation. In short, I was in the flow. Had I been stressed, concerned about my grade, or anything else, my efforts would have been frantic, and disheveled. Most importantly, it wouldn't be fun anymore. Somehow, I am slowly learning how to enjoy things a bit more -- and that's making all the difference in the world.
     I got an A- (my first non-hybrid grade!) on my final 10min presentation, did a great job, and had a good time doing it. I'm willing to wager that, had I studied and crammed all night before, and failed to have fun, that I would've gotten a considerably lesser score.

     Then it all comes full circle: is this new perspective a result of the Hodgkin's? Perhaps so. Silver lining indeed. Just for argument's sake, let's take it one step further...

     To my friends and family, let me first apologize a bit... I know that me having this disease is a terrible pain and burden to you all; I don't want you to think that I'm belittling that by talking about this "silver lining." But there are some positives...

     Come Tuesday, I'm out of school! Normally, this would have me in a frenzy. But now that I think about it, it is a true and genuine vacation. For once in my life, I don't have to worry about future career ambitions, or getting good grades for grad schools, or how I'm wasting away my life. All that is put aside. Just enjoy.
     Oh, and what people think? If they're not my friends and family, who cares? Make stupid jokes to random strangers. Assert yourself! Be silly!
     And friends and family, most of all! It may not be PC to say, but this whole thing has brought us together! TJ, Mom, and Dad are leaving fun little comments on my blog; we're more connected now. Liz's mom is working in tandem with Barbara, and sending me best wishes with a quilt. And Liz, where just the mention makes me smile... Jen, Dan, and the kids are all being there, together, to do what they can. Taunte Laurie, Taunte Theresa, my aunts, my cousins, all keeping in touch and wishing me well. I've never felt so connected in my life! Thank you all.

     So hell yeah, I'm happy! And if it helps, consider me getting chemo with a smile on my face -- because I'll be wearing one. "Nothing like a little Cisplatin in the morning to take the edge off."