[5:15pm]
I am out. Instead of 2-3 weeks of living next to the Stanford hospital, I have been released after only a week. Right now, I am typing these words at my sister's house. Tomorrow I gather my belongings and move to Berkeley... to home. I've been a nomad since the beginning of September, and it is quite nice to finally be able to drop anchor.
Now I can finally start picking up the pieces and get back on track. True, there's probably radiation down the road... but the hard part is over now. What matters is that I'll be able to remain in school while undergoing radiation. Moving forward in life.
On a completely different subject...
They say I can take my mask off after ten days... and I think to myself: what if I take it off now? All my other limitations seems to have been based on strict "guidelines" that were later relaxed. Perhaps, through almost a year of these treatments, I have learned the limitations of my own body. Perhaps I am qualified to make my own judgments on the matter.
The truth is: I am just tired. I am done making exceptions and limiting my life experiences due to this cancer. I need to return to normal.
And if someone tried to impose one of those limitations... well, maybe I just wont let them. For example, I am supposed to get a bone marrow biopsy 3 months from day 0, then 6 months, then once a year for at least five years. Maybe I just wont permit them. What are they going to do: send me to prison? Plus, once the cancer is in my marrow, aren't I automatically Stage IV? Perhaps it's better not to know if it's in the marrow.
It's one of the ways I've been changed through all of this: I am perhaps a bit more sefish and defiant. Life is short and I am going to minimize any suffering. If I have a choice, I am going to do things my way!
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
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3 comments:
Hi Austin
Welcome back to the world! I often wonder if I am being a sheep by just doing what doctors tell me because I'm scared and they seem to have all the answers. Then I feel like a jerk who can't think for herself. Then I usually do exactly what they tell me. But I hear you.
Well in the UK we don't wear the masks AT ALL - Wullie did ask why everyone gets them in the U.S. but he wasn't having to wear them and his onc told him there wasn't any evidence that suggested that the masks made any difference and that hygiene was far more important - so, I would feel OK ditching the mask and replace it with an OCD for hand-washing ;)
Enjoy the start of your new life :)
Vx
Austin,
The good (make that GREAT) news just keeps on coming. I am happy that you are free at last!
Getting on with just living your life must be so refreshing. Just enjoying the simple pleasure of going to school. Freedom!
It's interesting how experiences such as this change a person. I'm not talking about the physical changes. Your feelings about doing things your way were probably always there, but now they are much more pronounced. Deep.
Enjoy your Thanksgiving tomorrow.
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